Who's a dB?

I have an inexhaustible list of things wrong with everyone on the road and how they conduct their road business. Between SoCal (manic) and Seattle (codeine), everyone is a total dickhole driver. No one can drive. I can't, so duh. But there's one thing that never fails to make me want to throw empty wine bottles (heyyy, multiple is ok as long as they were cheap!) at your shitty ride.

Your fucking soundsystem. I get it. You want to show off your bass and your subwoofer and your speakers and your amplifiers and every other piece of equipment you can shove into the tiny recesses of your '93 Festiva. But hey, guess what, trunks are for dead hookers and not overpriced pieces of kiddie electronics that shake my apartment like it's goddamn San Francisco, 1906. You know that sub you paid $400 for? The distortions coming out of that thing could shatter glass. And to make it even worse you're always bumping some shit that contains all of four words and one basic bass line yelling BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM. So a) that's not music and b) maybe look at a dictionary. You don't even have to read it - just look at it, and think about how many words are in there. Yeah, head down. You're a fucking moron.

To all you bass crusaders and sonic offenders out there, you're wasting your money. All you're doing is telling the world you have no taste, no understanding of equipment, and a fat wallet ripe for mugging. I hope you do get mugged, you shitbirds, and I also hope you crash your car into a tree. Shut the fuck up. Stop it. You're some of the worst assholes on the road.

No Lomo

In a shockingly sort of topical turn of events, I have major issues with Instagram. Well, not Instagram proper. And no, not with Facebook's acquisition; they can throw away their billions on shitty companies as much as they want. I have major issues with Instagram because that goddamn app is rapidly convincing everyone that they're Ansel fucking Adams.

What's that? You took a picture of your Cheetos 'cause you're bored? Well slap a fucking LOMO FILTER on it and call it a day! It's art! Look at your one man show, it's the best! You are OUR generation's Cezanne! Oh my god, is that your cat? Show me more, but preferably in sepia and with blurred edges! I can't take you seriously if it's just a quick phone snap!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE? YOU ARE STILL JUST AS BAD AT PHOTOGRAPHY AS YOU EVER WERE. You still have no talent, and putting your image through its digitized paces isn't going to change that. I am literally 0% interested in that ugly flower you shot. The amount of fucks I give about your grainy, dimly lit, poorly composed plate of - what, toddler feces? I can't even tell since you used so many filters - is none. None fucks. Your life is not compelling. Your art is not art. Put down the iPhone and stop being a piece of shit.